Building Your Network, Your Way

Deep Dive

Effective In-House Lawyers Know That Building a Network is a Worthwhile Investment. Here’s How to Also Make it Fun.

What’s the simplest, most energizing way to build a network of in-house lawyers? The one that fits your personality, preferences, and lifestyle. 

Last week, we talked about the incredible value of having a strong network of in-house lawyers.

This week, we’re diving in on principles for building your network in a way that is fun (yes, seriously!), energizing, and low-stress.  Next week, we’ll go even deeper with specific examples of conversation starters, email templates, and more to support your networking efforts, whether you prefer to meet people in-person or digitally.

But there’s something important to acknowledge at the start: there are many ways to build a network, and no one best way—other than the one that works for you.

However, there are certain strategies and approaches you can take–regardless of which specific networking environment you prefer– to make things low stress and fun. 

If you happen to be someone who loves meeting new people in group settings and is energized by attending in person networking events, that may be a great option for you.

On the other hand, if networking events feel draining or stressful, or evening events conflict with your schedule or priorities, organized networking events may not be a good fit.  You may be better off scheduling one-on-one coffees or joining professional organizations that meet during the day, for example. 

Or if meeting people in person stresses you out or is inconvenient, you may find that building your network online is a great option.  

Flexibility and knowing yourself are key.  So is understanding that getting comfortable talking to, and even enjoying conversations with, people you don’t yet know is a skill that anyone can learn if they want to.  Again, you don’t have to.  But don’t assume that you are “bad” at networking simply because you haven’t had great experiences yet.

Identifying Your Networking Style

The best networking approach is the one you’ll actually enjoy enough to keep doing. That starts with understanding your preferences, like what gives you energy, what drains you, and what fits your current season or phase of life.

There’s no right answer. Some people love conferences and large group settings. Others build meaningful relationships entirely online, through DMs, shared projects, or thoughtful follow-ups. Some host events or lead panels. Others prefer to quietly connect with one person at a time.

Your style will likely shift over time, which is totally fine. The goal is to find your way, so the process feels natural instead of forced.

For example, when in-person networking in Boston ground to a halt during Covid, I built many connections online. I joined virtual networking events hosted by others, connected with people on LinkedIn, and even organized a small virtual mastermind with a group of other women who planned to become GCs one day. Over time, some of those virtual relationships turned into real-life friendships. It wasn’t what I planned, but it worked for me. And now that in-person events have returned, I’ve enjoyed both one-on-one coffee meetups and bigger in-person events, like those I attend through The Legal Mentor Network. 

If you already know what types of networking light you up and which ones drain you, you can skip this section. But if you aren’t sure, or if you think you hate all networking, start with these questions.

Ask yourself:

• Do I prefer meeting people one-on-one or in groups?

• Would organizing an event be an enjoyable way for me to meet people, or do I prefer to join events that someone else set up?

• Do I feel more energized by in-person conversations or by online exchanges?

• Do I like connecting over shared work challenges, or does something more casual like a walk, lunch, or book club feel more comfortable?

• Are evening events realistic for me right now, or do they conflict with family time or other priorities?

• Do I have the capacity to invest in new relationships, or would I rather focus on deepening the ones I already have?

• What do I enjoy doing with my friends that I could also do with lawyers I don’t know well yet?

• Am I hoping to grow my network broadly, or would a few trusted peers be more meaningful?

• Is it important that my network is local, or am I open to connecting virtually with people in other regions?

Once you understand your style, you can build a network that fits into your life and supports your goals, rather than pulling focus from them.

Principles for Network Building

Now that you have given some thought to what type or types of networking work the best for you and your life, here are some of the principles that you can apply to the networking itself. 

Interestingly, and fortunately for all of us looking to become better networkers, the same principles that lead to great relationship development in-person work both across event types and sizes and for online relationship building too.   

Principle #1: Approach networking with a spirit of curiosity.

Great relationships are built on excellent questions, and genuine curiosity about one another and one another’s work and interests.   

When people tell me they find networking boring, I often wonder whether they would feel less bored if they were more curious. Because when you dig in and really get to know people, most of them have some fantastic stories to tell and some really interesting things to say.

Principle #2: Be intentional.

As discussed above, make sure you pick the type of networking that works best for you.  If you hate organized ice breakers, don’t go to mid-sized networking events where those are likely to pop up; if you do, you’ll likely end up thinking you don’t enjoy networking, when the problem is really just the specific environment.

Beyond going to the right types of events for you, be intentional by thinking through your purpose in building your relationships, as well as in preparing for any relationship-building activity.

Principle #3: Talking to strangers is a learnable skill.

Some people are naturally outgoing, energized by social interactions, and seem to always know the right thing to say. But many of those people who appear to be born conversationalists actually learned the skill.

If you want to get better at talking to people you don’t yet know, practice talking to people you don’t yet know. You can do this in professional settings, but it might be as simple as at first as practicing striking up light, brief conversations in other situations, like with the barista at your local coffee shop or the receptionist at your kids’ school.

I acknowledge that for some people, for a wide variety of reasons, it may be harder to learn than for others. But each of us can improve from where we are today.

Principle #4: Give First

Start building relationships with a spirit of generosity, sharing what you know and offering support in ways that are helpful, such as making connections to others in your network. You will benefit from this, by feeling great about being able to help, and others benefit directly from the support you provide.

Principle #5: Networking is just another word for making professional friends.

Some people think networking is a dirty word, but it’s really just another way of describing professional friendships. Your network should be comprised of people you like and admire, and with whom you enjoy talking. You don’t have to go on vacation with them, or even spend your Saturday night hanging out, but if you build your network right, you look forward to the time you spend with the people in it.

Principle #6: One good conversation is better than ten forgettable ones.

There are no points awarded in networking, but if there were, you wouldn’t get any credit for having more conversations. A conversation is just the start of building a relationship, so make it a good one! A conversation that is both your first and last with a particular person isn’t likely to be especially valuable to either of you.

Principle #7: Make it easy for people to help you.

If you are hoping to get something specific out of networking, be able to articulate exactly what that is. “I am interested in meeting people who can talk to me about their experience transitioning from in-house to a law firm, because I am considering it, but realize it is a less common path.” Or “I am exploring new opportunities to become a product counsel at a Boston area company.”

Being specific about what you want makes it easier for people you meet to help you.

Your network is invaluable. Start building now.

By determining what types of events best suit your relationship-building style and life, and applying these principles, you’re well on your way to building a powerful professional network.

Tune back in next week for email templates, conversation starters, and more practical tools to use as you grow your network.